I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
