Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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