dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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