This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
