How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
bring money and cleavage
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
