Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
