i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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