i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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