Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
