Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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