So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
