I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
