I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
