This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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