I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
