Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
