we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
