Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
