So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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