Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
