I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
