My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
