how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize