i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
