we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
