her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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