That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
