My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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