matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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