My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
