I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
