Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i think i just lost a toe
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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