im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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