Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
