I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
