We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize