My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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