So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
