That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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