Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
