Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
