genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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