Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
