I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
