I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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