normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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