If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
