he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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