Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
