we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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