we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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