It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
