I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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