I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
