Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
