Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
