i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
