P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
