I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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