If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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