Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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