It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
