Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
