saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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