i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
