This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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