If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
