3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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