i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
