i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
