Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Randomize
