Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
