is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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