You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just gift wrapped bread.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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