dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize